I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
