I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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