and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
