she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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