I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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