$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
