who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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