some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
