I'm so fucking centered right now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
