Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
