My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
