Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sober January is a disaster.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
