Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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