when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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