You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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