I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
