I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
