I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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