apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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