my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
