and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
