Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
