Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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