So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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