meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are we still banned from the library?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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