I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
