Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
