can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
