One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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