ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
