he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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