dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
