i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
