Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
