I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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