dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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