he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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