ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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