Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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