Kiss
Puke
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
