at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
