we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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