Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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