Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
