I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
