I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am available for nakedness
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
