i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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