She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So much rum. So many feels.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
