Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
