Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
