We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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