Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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