I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
