I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
