Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
